just when you think you have it all together

It's almost 2 AM, and I'm trying to wind down to go to bed so I'm lucid for a meeting I have early in the morning. I was hoping to be in bed at a decent hour tonight, banking on Lauren Clay going down early-ish and then working on some writing and other work responsibilities that really need to get done. We've had really good at-home days lately... I'm getting into a routine of housekeeping to where we can have visitors just pop in and we're in good shape to let them wander around the house, I'm caught up on laundry, and Lauren Clay and I have had good, fun playtime together. Oh, and she's been sleeping well in her bed in her room (Dannette was right-- the bigger bed made all the difference.) Thankfully I don't have a lot of work-type responsibilities right now, because I don't get many stretches of quiet time to concentrate on things, and being methodical about writing and research, it always seems to take me a long time to get things where I want them. Seems like Lauren Clay's just waking up from her nap as I'm getting into a writing groove. I'm thankful that I'm off for the fall semester so I can be a stay-at-home mom who does a little work in her free time instead of a work-at-home mom whose day is structured around meeting deadlines in the midst of keeping up with an active toddler.

Anyway, after a nice quiet morning today, we had a terrible-2 evening. Lauren Clay was acting sleepy, so we started toward bed at around 8. It was 11:00 before she finally went down (and she didn't go down without a struggle.) It's almost like she knew we were going to have to get up extra early in the morning and that I had things to pull together before going to bed. Typically if she has a meltdown at any point in the evening, we can rest assured that she'll be asleep within minutes... but this was one of those nights where the meltdown only served to get her so worked up she couldn't calm down to go to sleep. For three hours.

She's asleep now, and the house is finally quiet. I was able to tie up the loose ends on most of my to do list, but I'm choosing not to get into the book chapter I'm writing because I'm afraid I'd work on it through the night. Now that everyone is asleep, I'm looking back and thinking it wasn't that big a deal that we had a crazy night. In fact, it definitely keeps things interesting as Lauren Clay struggles to grow up and we attempt to provide her with a healthy balance of support and independence to help her mature.

And this really puts it all into perspective. John knows a man whose 22-month old daughter passed away in her sleep over the weekend. As frustrating as a night like tonight can be, I realize it's really not so bad. I am listening to the quiet rhythm of Lauren Clay's breathing and trust that we have tomorrow to try, try again.

I'm off to bed, but not before giving our precious daughter a kiss...